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The Striker Situation

Today, I'd like to welcome you to what is officially my tenth ever blog. If there's anyone out there that actually read my first five blogs on my own site, you'll know that for the fifth one, I did a list of the greatest players to ever wear the number five for our club. Back then, I thought it would be a good idea to do it again with the number ten. I don't anymore. I'll be saving that for next time, with the number eleven, because that is far more exciting than talking about William Gallas and Robin van P*rsie.


I apologize to any lifelong DNArsenal fans, but if you expected a number ten special, you’re going to be let down. I think we should still do something to mark this incredible milestone in my extensive blogging career, however. The clear solution is to have a joint session of remembering Dennis Bergkamp. Just watch this clip and try to keep your trousers on. I dare you.

And we’re back. Yes I did cry, if you were wondering, but they were manly tears. I swear. A bit like this.

I don't know about you guys, but that picture brings me infinite amounts of joy. Seeing the pain on that wanker's face might just be the funniest thing in the world. Maybe seeing someone caption that picture will be even better. Yes, I'm shamelessly suggesting that someone should leave a comment captioning this fantastic image. Please.

Maybe I should start talking about the Arsenal now, considering that's probably what you're here for. Unless you made a typo on Google and meant to search DNArson, and you're actually looking for a blog about people setting buildings on fire. Maybe you should stop reading that blog.

In the second most exciting news of our summer, we've signed Mathieu Debuchy! Yes, we actually managed to sign someone who was claimed to be a done deal two weeks before it officially happened! Oh, how times have changed. The optimism that I'm feeling now is dangerously high. If we now sign a keeper, a centre-back, a defensive midfielder, and a striker, I will explode into rainbows, lollipops, and Pat Rice riding around naked on a unicorn.

I don't think it'll happen, but the first three positions that I listed seem like necessities. Maybe we'll be spoiled and get another striker. Having said that, I don't really know who we would buy at this point. Apparently, Liverpool are about to sign Loic Remy, taking someone who I thought would've been a quality signing for us. I really can't think of too many strikers worth their price tag who will score bucket-loads of goals for us.

Balotelli is good at times, but his attitude and antics might really cost him and us. Cavani is probably a bit overrated, and extremely overpriced. Costa went to Chelsea. Benzema's staying put. Falcao would probably cost more than our entire team put together, plus Wenger's left testicle. I guess you could say Jackson Martinez from FC Porto, but I'm not sure he'll be good enough for us. I feel like he would be better suited at someone like Everton.

So, really, I'm not sure that any first-team quality forwards will be signed now. Maybe Wenger will rely on Sanogo to improve his finishing, or for Chuba Akpom to continue being Chuba Akpom, but I don't think anymore attacking additions will happen, unless we're prepared to pay the big money. If we were able to spend £50 million pounds maximum, I would say we should try and go for Cavani, Falcao, or Reus. However, don't take that as a prediction, because I have major doubts about it.

If we aren't going to spend the money up front, maybe we should splash out on Javi Martinez for our defensive midfield. He's basically the perfect player for us, as defensively he's a rock, but he's also a brilliant distributor of the ball. If we were to sign him, Ospina, and whoever Wenger thinks would be a good centre-back, I will be ecstatic with our business. We would definitely have a squad capable of competing for the title, if not winning it, and that's not really something I've been able to say with a straight face in seasons past.

We are currently unbeaten in all competitions this season, as we've just gone and beaten Boreham Wood in such a relaxed manner that would suggest we were playing the first preseason game of the season. Which we were. Chuba was quite fantastic, and it's good to finally see a good striker rise up from the youth squads. Benik Afobe was a bit shit, if I'm honest, so I'm glad Akpom is doing well for himself. I'd like for him to go on loan to a Premier League club now, but I think Championship is more likely. Either way, getting some experience this year will be key to his success at Arsenal, so let's hope for the best.

Zelalem also played, but he wasn't exactly as exciting as in last preseason. I get the idea that he excels with people who know where to run in front of him, and we didn't really have that when he was on. I know we'd all like to see more of him this year, especially with a certain Alexis Sanchez giving defenders around the world migraines.

On a final note, I'm hungry. It's time for me to end this post, after a reasonable amount of rambling. Next time I write I'll be dreaming about the number eleven, trying to get RVPenis out of my thoughts. I hope you enjoyed this one, and join me for the next. Have a lovely week.

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Tags: Arsenal FC, Goonersphere, Zelalem, Strikers, Debuchy, Arsenal Football Club, Martinez

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