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Arsenal Defender Captured By Madrid Manager Sam Allardyce

Hello everyone, and welcome to a post that I really couldn't wait to write after the fantastic reception my last one got. Apparently I'm crazy, full of sh!t, trying too hard, and my opinion and humour are both dreadful. Cheers guys! You're all far too nice. Have you considered writing Valentine's Day cards for a living?

Luckily for those of you that just adored my last post, my sh!t sense of humour shall continue into this one. After all, it's what makes me the annoying little prick that I am, and I'm for some reason quite proud of that.

So now here I am, sitting on my extremely comfortable chair, debating with myself as to whether I should try and p!ss everyone off as much as possible, or actually write something half-decent and appease those that trusted me with a few precious minutes of their lives. I think, for the sake of everyone's sanity, I'll choose the latter.

David Ospina and Calum Chambers were both announced in fairly quick succession over the weekend, and I'm still struggling to believe we've signed four top-quality players before the season's started. I don't know who slipped something into the Arsenal board's drinks, but my initial suspicions are Podolski, that cheeky little devil. If we were this decisive and swift in our transfer dealings in previous years, maybe they wouldn't all have ended with a big ol' number four next to our name.

It's this focus on just getting it done that's given me optimism for the season ahead. It seems the FA Cup has gotten our club even more hungry for trophies, and now they'll do anything to bag some more. There's a new air of ruthlessness, drive, and determination around the club, and I'm loving it.

Earlier this week, rumours that Jenkinson would be sold kept me up at night. He's not a very good footballer at the moment, but I'm living my dream through him. A boyhood Arsenal fan growing up to play in one of the most important eras in our history is just a fantastic story, and to add to that, he seems like a great guy. Nice attitude, nice banter, nice eyebrows, and a man that I really want to be mates with.

Luckily for me and every other Arsenal fan who dreamed of playing for the club as a young'un, or even as an adult if you're that deluded, it was just a load of transfer balls. King Carl has been loaned to West Ham, which might just be a little bit worse than being sold.

With all respect to the rivals of Chelsea who I hope finish above the blue scum in what would be the funniest season of all time, their manager, Sam Allardyce, is awful. He's a confused little idiot, in that he believes he should be managing Real Madrid or Barcelona, but we all know he'd be better suited to non-league side A.F.C. Aldermaston. He's one of the last managers I'd want to play under, along with such greats as Mourinho, Pulis, and Dunga.

However, his boring defensive counter attacking style might just help Carl get some practice in some of the areas of his game that need the most work, like his decision-making, his concentration, and really his defensive game in general. With strong suggestions that Chambers is going to eventually be utilised elsewhere on the pitch, there's definitely still a place for Jenkinson at Arsenal. Hopefully he'll be able to convince us all about that.

Speaking of our fourth most expensive signing of our history, Chambers does seem as if he'd suit a few positions. I don't remember seeing much of him last season, but from what I did see he was spraying beautiful passes about the pitch, had fairly good dribbling skills, and could defend very well. If he ends up at centre back, I imagine he'll play similarly to John Terry, playing passes to the midfield and forwards with ease. I do hope he manages to keep his trousers on around his teammates' wives, though.

If he plays in the defensive midfield role, he'll be able to offer a little bit of everything. I'm sure he'd end up being a more box-to-box player than just a holding one, but that's fine as long as he gets back. Personally, I'd like to see him tested in as many areas as Wenger deems necessary, and then we'll have a clearer idea of how he will fit in. He does look very promising, however.

Word around the realm of Twitter suggests that we're very nearly done as far as transfers go. I think we might see one more addition, and then a replacement for Vermaelen if he ultimately decides to depart. I'm becoming increasingly doubtful that we'll sign a striker in this window, which I think is a big shame. I honestly don't think we can realistically expect to win the league without a quality striker.

Some might say Sanchez is that player, but I disagree. We still don't know exactly where he'll be played either, and if he does play up front, he won't be that poaching, clinical striker that I think we need. I expect him to play as more of a false nine if he ends up in the middle, but he might even just be played out wide. I'd like a clinical striker to come in and give us the possibility to vary the way we play without having to field Giroud, but it doesn't seem to be happening.

Instead, we look to be more interested in some defensive midfielders right now. Players such as the Bender brothers, Khedira, Martinez, and the terrifying tower of terrible terror that is William Carvalho have all been linked with the club recently, and I think they'd all be good signings for us. However, I'm sure you can tell from my list that my first choice is Carvalho. I'm really happy he's been linked by fairly reliable sources, as those that read my older blogs on my old website will know I wanted us to target him. I'm not saying I'm in the know, but I'm sort of #ITK.....

Anyway, I'm really excited for the upcoming rollercoaster that will be the Premier League Season 2014/15. Here's to hoping that Liverpool get relegated and release the biggest comedy of the year in their season review.

Thanks for reading, and please feel free to continue on last week's trend of leaving beautiful messages down in the comments section. If you feel that you need to be limited to 140 characters in your heartfelt words, tweet me and then consider either following or blocking me, depending on how you feel about me. As my bio says, I block back. Because that's how bitter I am.

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Tags: Arsenal FC, Goonersphere, Strikers, Jenkinson, Arsenal Football Club, Khedira, Ospina, Martinez, Chambers, Sam Allardyce, Bender Brothers, Carvalho, Haters

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