With Man United's capture of the ridiculously named Memphis Depay before the end of the season escaping even the keenest of eyes in the media, one question remains - What else is going on that we aren't aware of?

Twenty years. A fifth of a century. Seven thousand, three hundred days. All of this time, our malformed neighbours have dwelled in the vast darkness caused by our shadow. This would normally be enough to snuff out what twisted day to day existence they have. but instead, the lack of vitamin D caused by insufficient light has led them to become increasingly obsessed with our actions rather than their own problems. Thus, they still toil away in the gloaming, driven by the hatred they have for us.